Chinga Tu Madre

My kitchen is 98% Mexicans. Of course I am referring to my kitchen at the Oystercatcher Restaraunt, my place of employment. As a result I have been subject to the hilarity, loud, and passionate way of Mexicans. The 5 in my kitchen are always screaming, laughing and working hard, and I can always tell when they are recovering from a nite of partying and eating their own creations. I have recently befriended most of them, however one in particular is quite quiet, but so very sweet. Drinks are aften shared after work between all the employees, those working and not, its really funny how people are always at work when they arent actually scheduled. There is one guy who I swear should be paying rent he is there so much, and another who actaully lives in 'the hole' at the resturaunt, which is the recycling room, and he is the funniest person I know. It's quite amusing how mexican men are nothing like north american men, they are not subtle by any means, and will flat out ask for 5 mins in the cooler! Sometimes I will get unexpected brief kisses on my neck and wispered sweet nothings in my ear!! The cultural difference was shocking for me at first, I had a hard time responding and not reacting to their comments, but now I find it entertaining. The trick is to know that they are half joking, therefore they not offended when turned down, either politely or not. Responding with 'chinga tu madre' often works well.

One guy is persistent, charming, hilarious and sauve (when sober), so I agreed to meet with him after work for drinks, which turned into an all nite salsa dancing, uno playing, water fight that ended at 530am in his bed. Forunately we worked together alone at a smaller seperate part of the restuaraunt so we could milk our tired hangovers and not deal with alot of customers.. oops I mean guests.

A few days later I am still feeling like a bag of shit. This experience was really out of character for me, allowing a guy to enter me who I do not care about or am in a relationship with. I don't understand how some girls can sleep with randoms having one night stands and laugh it off afterwards. I wish I was the type of girl who could have meaningless sex, but I can not. Its not the attachment thing I struggle with, it's the fact that I barely know this person, especially THIS person, who I found out has quite a past and a very hard one at that. For me, the experience made me realise that I am not over my past, as much as I would like to be. Its hard to not compare everything to my last relationship, especially in between the sheets, when we were very comfortable with eachother, knew what eachother liked and werent afraid to take risks.

I guess sleeping with someone new after being in love is always going to be hard and I know I'm not going to do it again for a long time.

"desire blinds us."